What No One Tells You About Marriage
When girls meet up for a chat, be sure that their men are on the conversation list #BechdelTestFail. In that regard, my sister-in-law, Iyanu Adedipe, and I are no different, as did just this exactly during my stay in Nigeria in January.
Iyanu is married to my husband’s twin, Kehinde. She is a mixologist, a lover of rice and fish sauce, and the only one I know who goes to the movies alone. Really, who does that? We had an in-depth conversation on our husbands and married life in general; we highlighted some of the issues we have had to deal with and how marriage has shaped us for the better.
Our husbands are as fraternal in their physical appearance as they are in their personalities. While Taiwo, my husband, is the nerd and bookworm, Kenny, Iyanu’s husband, is the outgoing and crazy one. Iyanu and I joked about how we married the wrong twin.
Critically examining our marriages, we saw that friendship with one’s spouse goes a long way in building a healthy relationship. It holds things together during times of little to no romantic connection. As with every relationship, communication plays a vital role that cannot be overemphasized. But what happens when the other party doesn’t seem to get it right? Well, I follow Esther Peller’s recommendation of teaching your partner over and over again till they get it. This may require a lot of time and patience as communication issues are not solved overnight, but the results will be worth the wait.
Another important lesson I have learned about being married is not always to be reactive. Not every situation requires a reactive response. There’s no communication from a place of love in those moments, but rather it’s out of anger. Even though your points may be legitimate, how you present them is as essential. I have also realized that my satisfaction with my life boosts my satisfaction in marriage.
Looking back now, I can say that marriage has changed Taiwo and me for the better. This goes to say that your spouse is your greatest “peer pressure” or influencer. If you believe them when they say nice things, believe them when they point out the not so great things about you.
Marriage is hard work, but it’s hard work that is truly rewarding.
For more on my chat with Iyanu, download the entire episode below.
🅻🅸🅽🅺🆂 to the full episode here:
- Listen: http://bit.ly/YanYan2020
- Download: http://bit.ly/YanYan2020DL
- Trip to Lagos: https://medium.com/@Mosibyl/for-when-next-you-are-in-lagos-nigeria-c8a571377447